shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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