He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
