The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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