I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
