i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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