i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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