Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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