Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
