singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
