You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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