i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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