She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
