he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
