how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
