if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
