i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You ate ashes out of my bong
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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