Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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