The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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