Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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