Nicole vs. Life
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
