I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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