wat bout pragnant strippers??
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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