I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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