No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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