i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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