Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So much rum. So many feels.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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