Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
