Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
