she woke up with a sticky ear
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
