Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
