Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
no, he came in my armpit
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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