Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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