I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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