Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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