are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
