Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
