You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
