If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize