Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
