well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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