he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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