So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Be still, my beating vagina.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
