I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
