I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
