**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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