Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
