i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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