do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
