i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
