you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
