My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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