My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
