Need sex. Gaining weight.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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