Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
