You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
