i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
