I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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