Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
