xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
