Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
