woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
