So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
