I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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