Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
