dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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