you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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