She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
