you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
