she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
